Open Letter: in which I wash my hands of the newsletter

Dear Faculty Members:

Thank you all for sending me your submissions to the departmental newsletter in an almost timely fashion.  Three weeks past the deadline isn't that big a deal.  It's all good.

Because of recent kerfuffles concerning edits to the brilliant literary masterworks that you submitted, I am taking a bold new step as the editor of this newsletter.  I'm taking my name off of it.  If all you want me to do is paste in the articles you write, without making editorial improvements to your spelling, grammar, and syntax, I don't want anyone knowing that I'm the "Editor."  Frankly, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm at fault for the steaming pile of crap you're asking me to mail out to donors and alumni.  I have a reputation to uphold.

While we're on the subject of my reputation, I'd like to remind everyone that I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS DEPARTMENT WITH A MASTERS DEGREE IN ENGLISH.  You can stack up as many PhDs in OTHER subjects as you want and my puny little MA will still trump your PhD, because I STUDIED ENGLISH.  Specifically, I studied WRITING.  You know, the science of stringing words together into coherent sentences?  I served as an editorial intern at an international literary magazine.  I've written and edited newsletters for a dozen different organizations.  I know what I'm doing, but I can only do it if you let me.

So, from now on, you'll get what you deserve.  Copy & paste.  I won't check to make sure you haven't spelled it "Universtiy" for the ten-thousandth time.  If you won't let me fix your grammar and syntax, I'm not going to fix your spelling.  And the only person's name that'll be on it is yours.

Cheerio,

~(name redacted)